Everyday Baby Steps

What If My Friend Had Been Shot?

marybabysteps — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 12:05:04 -0700

My wife, Mary, asked me to guest blog this week. OK, she asked me a couple of weeks ago, but it's taken me this long to sit down at the keyboard and put something together. Mary thinks I'm amusing, and I guess other people do, too. But today, I want to talk about something serious.

Recently, my best friend (after Mary) was robbed. At gunpoint. In his own house. A little background on my friend Sam before I tell you the story. I've known Sam for nearly thirty years. He has been an advertising salesperson, a cable TV executive and a restaurant owner. Now, he's on disability and works as a sports official. Sam's hobby is collecting stories. That means that Sam has to talk to a lot of people. And he does. Sam talks to bus drivers, waitresses and people in line at grocery stores. Sam asks questions of anyone and everyone. His gregarious nature has led Sam into a wide variety of relationships.

His former housemate, and one-time employee, Larry, was deaf. Larry was also an alcoholic and drug addict. Larry's girlfriend was in prison for the two-plus years that he lived with Sam. Since his divorce more than ten years ago, Sam has been involved with a large number of women. Some of these women have had substance abuse problems. Some have been married. At least two were exotic dancers. One was most likely a prostitute.

I have warned Sam that he is living too close to the edge. Before meeting Mary, I spent some time near that edge. I have been worried about Sam for a long time. Concerned that he would get into a dangerous situation and be hurt or even killed. So when Sam told me he had been robbed, I wasn't surprised. The surprise was that it had nothing to do with his reckless lifestyle.

Sam fell asleep while watching TV in his bedroom. He forgot to lock the side door to his house. Around four in the morning, Sam woke up with a gun in his ribs. A young black man, wearing a hoodie and a bandana, asked Sam where the money was. Sam, suddenly awake, told the robber that all the money he had was on the dresser. Sixteen dollars.

The robber didn't believe Sam. He asked again, "Where's the money? Jason told me there was fifteen hundred dollars here." Sam's reply: "I don't know anyone named Jason and I don't have fifteen hundred dollars." The young man looked around Sam's bedroom, and then asked Sam if there was anyone else in the house. Sam told him no. The robber again repeated the information about Jason and the money.

Sam told the gunman he didn't know Jason and that he had no money. Sam told the robber his name and that he didn't know Jason. The young man then said, "I've got the wrong house". He made Sam take the sixteen dollars off the dresser, then get down on the floor and push the money toward him. Next, he told Sam to get undressed, then walked him downstairs and outside onto the deck. That's when he forced Sam to the floor and ran off.

Sam told me it took him quite a while to move back inside. And even longer to get dressed and call the cops. Sam, who has had dozens of wild and crazy people in his house and his life, was frightened by this young black man with a gun. He didn't sleep at home for the next three nights. He tells me he still can't sleep through a whole night.

When Sam told me about the robbery, he finished the story with this comment. "Willy, all I could think about while this was happening was you telling me I was living too dangerously and that you were worried about me getting hurt or killed. Then this happens. I could have been killed because this kid got the wrong house."

Sam wasn't hurt. He's very lucky. So am I. What if Sam had been shot? What if I had been, the two times someone aimed a gun at me. What if the bullet that once narrowly missed me had gotten me instead of the wall of the church I was walking by?

Mary says I worry too much. She's right. All the worry in the world won't change what happens. None of us can control what others do. We can only change our reactions. So, I'm going to try to worry less. And, I'm going to put up bigger house numbers.

I Know What I Must Do

marybabysteps — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:23:09 -0700

When I first began this blog, I wrote out my short-term goals for the summer. One of which was, of course, to lose some of the weight I gained while pregnant with Brady. I'm sure I mentioned to you all that I failed in that area miserably. That's okay, I've done pretty well on most of my other goals. And I am taking baby steps here, right?

But then I watched a bit of The Biggest Loser last night on TV. That's the show where people compete to lose the most weight in a given time period, for anyone who's not familiar with it. I was shocked and scared by what I saw. Contestants were given their biological age in comparison to their chronological age and actually shown some of the trouble spots of their anatomy compared to that of a healthy person. They were given visual proof of their clogged arteries, over-burdened hearts, and impaired lungs. It really hit home for me.

I know I eat terribly and exercise very little. It's a vicous cycle, I know that as well. It's a cycle I must admit I haven't worked very hard to break. I think I've been so focused on and overwhelmed with everything involved in starting a new career that I've neglected my health. Everyone knows food is used as an emotional crutch, and I'm sure I'm guilty of that, too.

However, just as I've taken baby steps to move closer to my other goals, I will do the same with this one. First thing is to resist the vicous sweet tooth I possess. I will not eat the Cocoa Puffs for breakfast or snack mindlessly on the M & M's (though the peanuts ones are the very best!) The next step will be to purchase groceries that will allow me to avoid wheat and milk, which I'm allergic to. It is possible; I've done it before.

A reader once asked me to share a dairy-free, wheat-free recipe. I'll share my favorite banana muffin recipe with you next week to show you that there are foods out there I can eat, and that taste good. My cooking bible is called The Gluten, Wheat, & Dairy Free Cookbook and contains lots of recipes that actually taste good and contain no wheat or milk. Leave a comment if you know of any good recipes or advice for people with food allergies or would just like to encourage me and hold me accountable. I could use all the help I can get! Thanks.

Meet Writer Dad!

marybabysteps — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:56:55 -0700

This week, I started my telephone interviews with mom bloggers for my upcoming Friday Feature Profile series. It's been so great connecting with other moms and hearing their stories about how blogging has impacted their lives. The connection between moms is amazing! However, today's post actually focuses on a dad blogger! Yesterday I spoke with Writer Dad for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue of an e-zine for mom bloggers.

Writer Dad is a fairly new blogger. He's only been blogging for 6 weeks and has already built quite a community and a following. Guess what else? In only his 3rd week, he received notification that he had been accepted into Alltop! Alltop is like the holy grail of websites - if you're chosen for Alltop, it means you're among the best of the best.

If that isn't enough reason to check out his blog, let me tell you that you should go see him because he's funny and a super nice guy. Go read his blog to learn a bit more about him and see what he's all about. I'll let you know when my article comes out so you can read more of what he has to say.

But I will give you just a preview of my conversation with him. I just had to ask Writer Dad the question I've been asking so many mom bloggers: "How has blogging changed your life." He had this to say, "Thus far, I would say the number one thing it's done for me is give me a lot of confidence. . .when you have a community that appreciates your words, it's fuel. Every one of those comments is just shoveling more coal into the fire, and it's important to me. It does give me drive." Writer Dad shows his appreciation to his readers by returning comments and by fostering a sense of community. I highly recommend visiting his blog to see for yourself what's made him such a smash hit in the blogging world in such a short time.

Mom Bloggers: I Want To Hear Your Story!

marybabysteps — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 15:32:29 -0700

What If. . . Wednesday is here again, and I've been thinking about some things. "Mary, you're ALWAYS thinking about things!", you say? I know, I know. If you can help me with a way to shut down my thoughts for just a bit, please let me know. Sometimes I think my thinking gets me in trouble! But I really was thinking lately about my life since blogging, about interesting topics to write on, about all the amazing people I've connected with recently. Remember my post on how my life's changed since I started blogging? I wondered about other moms and how blogging has affected their lives. Well, a writer can't just sit around wondering; she has to get up and find things out! So that's what I'm doing, stepping out of the old comfort zone into the realm of the new and unknown.

I've put out requests on Mom Bloggers Club and Twitter asking for moms to tell me about their blogging transformations, and I've received quite a few responses. I plan to interview interested moms and share their stories here at Everyday Baby Steps. Each week, I will showcase a Friday Feature Profile. Not to worry, though. I'll still throw in some random Friday Fun now and again!

So if you've got a great story about the impact blogging has had on your life, please leave a comment or e-mail me at marybabysteps(at)aol(dot)com. While I know everyone has their own unique story, I'd like to limit feature profiles to mom bloggers for now so as not to overwhelm myself. Also let me know your preferred method of communication. I can e-mail you a list of interview questions or I can call you at an agreed upon time. I prefer telephone interviews as they're more casual and natural, but it's entirely up to you! One more thing, I'd really like to take what I learn from you all and put it into a future article. So, who knows, maybe your story will end up in a national publication in the not too distant future!

A Little Organization, Please

marybabysteps — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:15:13 -0700

I was true to my word and took yesterday off to recuperate from the back-to-school frenzy. It was nice, I must say. I played with the baby, took a nap, and did some reading. But it's back-to-work for me today! It's also What If. . .Wednesday, the day I contemplate doing something different, out of the ordinary, to move me along my path to productivity and fulfillment. After a bit of thought, I realized what I must do - I have to clean up some of this mess in my workspace!

I'm not an organized person, by nature. Remember the whole attention deficit disorder thing I told you about? One of the tell-tale signs for women with ADD are piles everywhere. I've learned to live with my piles of crap, but I know I can be more productive if I at least try to organize the area where I will be working and spending the majority of my day. Take a look. My "office", which is along one wall of our bedroom, could definitely use some organization!

Pretty messy, huh? It's my style. But I vow to spend little time this weekend tidying and organizing while the kids are at their dad's. Any tips on ways to corral and file papers would be much appreciated!

What If...I Never Blogged?

marybabysteps — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:29:10 -0700

I've been thinking lately about how my life has changed since having Brady and really getting down to the business of writing. What if I hadn't started my blog? Writing here every nearly every day for the past few months has really been a blessing in my life.

Starting my blog has given me the push I need to get back in the swing of things. For a long while after leaving my job, I felt hopeless and lost, like I would never feel motivated or stimulated ever again. Pregnancy does not treat me well, and I was feeling sick, sore, and miserable most of the time. Then my beautiful boy was born, and while I was happy, I was also overwhelmed with the fatigue of new motherhood, caring for my older children, and the everyday tasks of running a household.

Blogging gave me that creative outlet that's so often sought after, but never really understood until you've found it. I was able to use my mind in ways that didn't involve the routine of caring for others. Best of all, I began to make connections that made me feel a part of the outside world again.

Through blogging, I've "met" people from all over. Not just the U.S., but from all over the world! This is exciting for me because I live in a rather homogenous area with little diversity and little change; it's so easy to get stuck in a rut here. My blog's even made it to Pakistan - thanks, Nadia!

I've been introduced to lots of wonderful "mom bloggers" at Mom Bloggers Club. It's been so wonderful to connect with other moms. Moms are in a sort of club of their own - no matter where we're from or what our background, we understand each other.

Through these connections, I've found resources for my writing. I've already begun publishing as a contributing editor at Mommy Matter, which has given me the clips and experience all freelance writers need. And the new friends I've made have led me to other writing opportunities.

And I can't forget Twitter! If you haven't joined, you should consider it. It's a great way to network and meet people, get fun tips, and see what great projects others are doing. Don't worry if you don't know anyone there, you can follow me!

Blogging has been an amazing experience for me. It's been the catalyst I needed to move onto other what if's. There's a whole world out there for me to explore! Thanks for joining me for the ride.

Shake Up Your Makeup Routine!

marybabysteps — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:06:50 -0700

Busy women often get stuck in a beauty rut. With kids, work, and household obligations, it's easy to get so caught up in the chaos of everyday life that you forget to take time for yourself. You're probably thinking, "What time? There IS no time for myself!" You'd be surprised what a few quick changes can do for your mood.

How many of us have had the same makeup routine for as long as we can remember? Until recently, I was a tried and true neutral girl, sticking with all shades of brown. Boring! I decided to experiment with some new accent colors, like plum and olive green, and was very pleased with the outcome. For little money and practically no time commitment, I made a change that made me feel good about myself and provided a pick-me-up to my everyday mommy routine. You can check out Mary Kay's website here for suggestions on shades to choose based on your eye color. You'll also find application tips for your eye shape. Just changing the way you apply your current color can have a dramatic effect.

What if you don't wear makeup regularly? That's fine, but consider your skin care routine. Simply adding a daily moisturizer with SPF can improve the appearance of your skin and fight aging. Think about adding foundation. Many people don't know that foundation can protect your face from the elements as well as add a smoother, more even appearance to your skin tone. Today's new mineral foundations are light and go on without the heavy feeling of traditional ones. Check out what Carmindy, the well-known makeup artist from TLC's "What Not To Wear" has to say about prepping your face for makeup and creating radiant skin.

Carmindy also offers some suggestions for changing your look for different occasions. But why not use some of her ideas for everyday to "shakeup your makeup" regimen? Decide that today's the day to play with a deep lipstick to contrast pale eyes or go for bronzed skin and coral lips on a hot, steamy day. The possibilities are endless.

MomDot Rocks!

marybabysteps — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:33:13 -0700

For What If...Wednesday, I've decided to enter a contest. A really fun contest at MomDot. The prize is a new blog header! Wouldn't that be awesome? I like my flowers; they're from my wedding, and my best friend and I made the bouquets ourselves. But a really cute blog header would be fabulous, as I really didn't know what the heck I was doing when I put this layout together. I still don't, but I'm learning.

Anyway, to win the header, you have to make a sign and take a picture of it. Your sign can say anything, and your picture can be of anything (as long as your sign's in it). So here's our entry!

[caption id="attachment_233" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Babysteppers say, "MomDot rocks! Pick our mom!""][/caption]

Gosh, they're cute! What do you think? I don't consider myself the most creative mom, but I think it's pretty good. And it was a lot of fun. Go to MomDot to enter for your chance to win a cool, new blog header!

Remembering Past Successes

marybabysteps — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 16:03:27 -0700

I was reading this article about hating your job, and it got me to thinking. I've mentioned before that I left my job as an academic advisor at the local community college shortly after finding out that I was pregnant with Brady. But I haven't really talked about the reasons behind my decision.

Lots of people think it was a CRAZY decision (it probably was) because my job paid more than my husband's, I had good benefits, and it's a job that I went to school to do while so many of my friends are working in careers that are in no way related to their degree. There are many reasons for leaving, none of which had anything to do with the work itself. I loved my job. I enjoyed working with the students, had a great time teaching a course on study skills, and was able to help people navigate the pursuit of an education while dealing with real life.

The problem was the work environment. In addition, the state grant that paid my salary was ending. However, never before had a job caused me so much inner turmoil. My direct co-workers were such negative people; dealing with them caused me to begin to doubt myself and my abilities. I'd worked long and hard to become comfortable in my own skin, and I realized that working with those people on a daily basis had caused me to regress, sending all my progress flying out the window.

Take a minute to skim over this article. Of the "10 Signs It's Time to Quit", the only one that does not apply to my situation is "You're watching the clock every 10 minutes". I wasn't bored with my job. I really did love what I was doing and found it to be quite fulfilling. In the two and a half years I worked there, I received an award from the students for "Outstanding Academic Advisor of the Year" two years running.

Which brings me to my point. After leaving the job, I had an incredibly difficult time coming to terms with my decision and dealing with the loss of identity that comes with such a life transition. It was hard for me to believe I would get back on my feet and be successful again. I've hung those awards on my wall, along with my college diplomas, as a reminder of my past accomplishments. I'm hoping this reminder will motivate me and push me onward when I want to give up my goal of becoming a freelance writer and just get a job at the mall to help with the bills. I was good at what I did once, and I can do it again. I hope you'll take some time this What If... Wednesday to think about your past achievements and to consider your future possibilities.

A Giveaway and a Challenge

marybabysteps — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:24:27 -0700

Sorry this is so late in the day. I had a migraine this morning that just would not quit. But, as promised, today is the day I will tell you more about Cami Walker and the 29-Day Giving Challenge. Oh yeah, and the giveaway. Of course, I didn't forget! I will also tell you how you can win the fabulous Mary Kay Satin Hands Pampering Set I told you about last week.

[caption id="attachment_173" align="alignleft" width="183" caption="Cami Walker - Founder of the 29-Day Giving Challenge"][/caption]

The 29-Day Giving Challenge is the brainchild of Cami Walker, a woman from California, who started the challenge personally on advice from her spiritual teacher and who, then, took the movement globally through her website, 29 Gifts.org. The premise is simple, give something away each day for 29 days, but the results can be extraordinary.

I was fortunate enough to speak with Cami last week about the Challenge, as well as the results she's seen both personally and from others, and her views on how giving can improve our lives. This young woman was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis shortly after getting married. Finding herself bedridden due to the progression of the disease, Cami says she was in a very dark place. When advised to step outside herself and her problems to give to others for 29 consecutive days, she thought the idea was intriguing and wrote it down in her journal. It was not until months later that she took her first step toward beginning her journey of giving. She says, of the challenge, "I was very hesitant to actually do it because, it was like, I was so inside my struggle that I did not know how to even take the first step to change things for myself." One night during a bout of insomnia, she saw the note in her journal. According to Cami, "I gave my first gift that morning. I made a phone call to a woman who also has MS, and I did a free reading for her, and that just sort of started this snowball!" Cami considers herself a "business intuitive" and does readings "primarily around business, money, and career."

She soon saw her circumstances, attitude, and health begin to improve. She gave her spiritual reading at 6:00 a.m. and received a call two hours later from a large non-profit organization requesting her consulting skills. Coincidence? Maybe. But she continued forward and decided to head out of the house for some breakfast. Her husband dropped her off at a local diner where she chatted with a man, who later, anonymously paid for her meal! She decided to give walking a try and was able, with the help of her cane, to walk the six blocks to her house. "That first day," Cami says, "things started to change and by my 29th day of my first cycle of giving, I had $8000 in receivable income. I'd gone from zero to eight grand in 29 days!"

She attributes all of this to a change in thinking and focus. "To me, it's a good example of how powerful our thinking is. I spent a hundred percent of my time thinking about what was wrong with me when I was sick. If that's all you think about, that's what you create. My thinking went in a completely different direction. I was no longer focused on everything that I couldn't do. I was actually focused on "What am I capable of today, and what do I want to do today? What do I want for myself today?" Finally, she says, "A lot of time, especially women, we tend to give and give and give, but we're not really open to receiving. Giving in its very essence is reciprocal. If I'm constantly giving but not open to receiving back, I'm going to deplete myself. It's actually depleting on your energy to overgive. . . abundance is actually being truly open to sharing - giving and receiving, both ways."

Incredible words of wisdom from an incredible woman. Check out her website at www.29gifts.org to sign up for the 29-Day Giving Challenge. Here you'll learn more about the challenge, ways you can give, and ways to connect to others involved. Her goal is to get 2,000 givers by September 29th, and she just hit 700. So spread the word and sign up. Visit my page here and leave a comment to be entered in the drawing for the Mary Kay Satin Hands Pampering gift set. It's from my own inventory and is just one of the 29 things I'm giving away for my challenge! Don't forget to leave your comment on my page at the 29-Day Giving Challenge to be entered to win. I'll be choosing a winner Sunday evening at 9:00 p.m. EST and will announce the winner Monday! Go, sign up. Now.