Everyday Baby Steps

I am so very blessed.  My youngest child, my baby, Brady turned 8 months old on Friday.  My third child.  The one I never,in my wildest dreams, envisioned.  He's so beautiful.  So smart, and happy, and good.  He fills my days with smiles and laughter.  He also breaks up my slumber with his infant needs and causes me to work in very limited spurts throughout the day.  But he is amazing, and I love him.  I couldn't imagine my life without him.

This baby I can't imagine living without was never in my plans.  When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified to tell my husband.  You know, my husband who's 20 years older than I am.  At this stage in his life, he wasn't prepared to have his very first biological child.  He was adjusting to marriage and to the role of step-father to a 6 and an 8-year old.  Bless his heart, he took the news surprisingly well.

Two of my very close friends, who had both had recent miscarriages, were also surprisingly supportive when I told them the news.  I worried about telling these beautiful women, who wanted desperately to have a baby, that I was pregnant without even trying, without even wanting another child.  I had two perfect children.  A boy and a girl, two years apart in age, and my daughter had just started first grade.  No more daycare costs to worry about during the school year.  Two kids who could practically care for themselves in almost every way.  I wasn't feeling at all ready to go back to diapers, sleepless nights, and constant feedings.  I really wasn't.

But on my baby's 8-month birthday, I couldn't be happier.  Brady brings my family together like I never expected.  The kids adore him and are so loving with him.  His daddy's eyes sparkle when he interacts with him.  I'm on a totally different path in my life than I ever imagined, working toward a freelance writing career that I had only dreamed about before.

And on my baby's 8-month birthday, I learned of the tragic loss of another baby.  My ex-husband called to tell me the news of the death of our college friend's baby.  What makes  this loss even more tragic is the fact that the couple knew from nearly the beginning of the pregnancy that the baby would not live much past birth.  He was diagnosed, through an early ultrasound, with Potter's Syndrome.  This disease causes a baby to form without kidneys and/or ureters (the tubes that carry urine to the bladder for excretion).  A baby with Potter's Syndrome has little chance to survive.  In the case of our friend's baby, he lived only an hour.

Why?  Why were we given such a beautiful, unexpected gift when others close to us were denied that same gift?  Not only denied the gift, but stripped of it in such painful, tragic ways.  I don't know why.  What I know is that I have to cherish and appreciate my gift, to hold him so tightly, to never take him or his siblings for granted.  Never.